The human brain is an amazing superpowered personal computer tailored uniquely to each individual. It recognizes, analyzes, and labels inputted data within seconds. No matter how much we try to mimic it, nothing quite compares to the mind’s ability to imagine and create. For good or for bad, our brains make split-second judgements about the world around us based on our prior experiences or up-bringing. Unfortunately, this often leads us to categorize people and places with labels that aren’t always fair. Is it even possible to retrain our thinking? How do we learn to love beyond labels?
If I’m honest, I’m as prone to labeling as anyone else. Before I’m even aware of it, my mind has instantaneously assessed a person, situation, or a place. Often that assessment is grounded in my own personal history but sometimes it comes from a deeper, subconscious level. Is my reaction valid or based on emotional triggers such as fear, anger, jealousy or the opposite, comfort, safety, or a sense of peace? When a new acquaintance reminds me of someone in my past, I immediately connect them to the emotion I felt with that previous person. This attaches false labels that can be difficult to shake in the future.
How can I keep my mind open and free of this emotional baggage? Preconceived ideas hurt me as much as they do the recipients of my labeling. They limit my connections and poison potential relationships further pitting one group of people against another.
Self-awareness is the first key to change.
Don’t be like the people of this world, but let God change the way you think. Then you will know how to do everything that is good and pleasing to Him.
Romans 12:2 Contemporary English Version
Pre-judging or prejudice doesn’t just apply to race. This seems obvious. But we often don’t think about how our engrained ideas about certain regions of the world, educational levels, or political and religious ideologies shape our relationships. People tend to stay with those who resemble themselves. We’re most comfortable in our own tribes—whatever they may be.
Change happens when we purposefully choose to move outside of our tribe.
Ask a co-worker with different religious beliefs or political affiliation out for coffee. Volunteer at a homeless shelter. Consider traveling to a region of the country (or world) where people don’t speak or look like you. Yes, this will be uncomfortable. Do it anyway.
Use the example of Jesus as a guide to your actions.
Over and over again in the Gospels, Jesus was criticized for associating with the outcasts of His time: prostitutes, tax collectors, and lepers. Women and children were at the bottom of the social order. Instead of shooing them away, Jesus embraced them. He never lorded over those rejected by the elites of His day. Rather, He befriended them. Jesus practiced love beyond labels always. And so can you.
Reaching out in friendship to someone who looks, thinks, and acts in a way foreign to everything you’ve ever known or believed isn’t easy. It requires deconstructing walls that may have been present for decades—one brick at a time. You must be willing to listen without the need for rebuttal. Nevertheless, there will be areas in which you cannot agree. That’s okay.
Respect is more important than agreement if friendship is the goal.
Even though it’s a difficult process, learning to love beyond labels is worth the effort. In fact, it’s imperative. The divisiveness in our world is scary and isn’t getting any better. Without the individual efforts of every person, it’s likely to get worse. So, take a leap of faith and reach out in friendship to those across the aisle or across the ocean. I’m a firm believer that the love between friends is the only means to achieve peace—one outstretched hand at a time.
Be friendly with everyone. Don’t be proud and feel that you know more than others. Make friends with ordinary people. Don’t mistreat someone who has mistreated you. But try to earn the respect of others and do your best to live at peace with everyone.
Romans 12:16-18 Contemporary English Version
