I feel caught up in a bittersweet sentiment that’s both pleasant and painful. This week we celebrate the arrival of a new member of our family as my niece delivered a beautiful baby boy. But I experience this joy within the sorrow of loss. My sister’s not here to celebrate with us. Grief returns as this reality crashes in around me once more.
I’m not someone who cries easily. This probably comes from years of controlling my emotions during stressful times caring for my patients. But the last few days, tears trickle down my face at odd moments. Perhaps this mixture of deep sorrow and newfound joy overflows from a hidden place in my soul.
In her book, Soul Care When You’re Grieving, Edie Melson writes about the difficulty of finding joy again after a great loss. Often feelings of guilt and shame overshadow any acknowledgement that happiness is possible once more.
Joy doesn’t diminish the importance of the person or circumstance that I’ve lost. It simply means I’m learning to live with a precious memory. And that’s good. That’s what God wants me to do.
Edie Melson – Welcoming Joy After Loss from “Soul Care When You’re Grieving”.
Yes, I believe God wants to help me learn to live with these precious memories and not move through life overwhelmed by grief. And, I think my sister would agree.
Even though she’s not here physically, I imagine her celebrating the birth of her grandson in heaven. The veil between the physical and spiritual worlds is thin. Those loved ones we’ve lost are as close as the air we breathe. Yet, I know they are not truly lost but await a great reunion with us in the sky some day.
So, for now and the rest of my earthly life, I will dance for joy within the sorrow. I’ve heard it said, the price of love is pain. Even so, I would never give up loving in order to avoid the pain. The risk is more than worth it.
Beth…I miss you today as always. In some sense, I’m trying to fit into your shoes though I realize they can never by filled by anyone but you. I celebrate your grandson with my whole heart. This new baby boy deserves all the love I have to offer. I just want you to know, in spite of all the pain in the past, I’ll dance…but the party’s just not the same without you.
Suzanne
