As a young girl, I learned what it meant to become real. When I was only 5 years old, I remember going to visit my great, great grandmother, Anna Peterson. She had just turned 103 and many family members gathered to celebrate her birthday at my great Aunt Mena and Uncle Augie’s home in Marion, Indiana. She was very frail. As she sat in her wheel chair, she reached out to touch my face. Her vision and hearing were both very poor, but her mind was still sharp. She recognized me by touch, not sight and she called me by name.
I’ve often pondered after seeing Grandma Peterson through my child’s eyes, whether I would want to live to be 103 as she had. But the impression she left on me was unforgettable. She knew who I was without the benefit of her senses. I was her oldest great, great grandchild and she valued me. I could feel it in her gentle, kind touch. Love made Grandma real.
When others value us, we know it and it changes us forever. The late writer, Maya Angelou once said, “I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Oh, how true!
What a difference it makes when a person makes you feel valued. It’s not what the other person said or did but the way in which they did it. It’s the warm smile, the attentive look, the light touch of their hand that convey that they care deeply. Their authenticity is not contrived but real. Unfortunately in the world we live in, this type of authentic caring is a rare commodity. In a self-oriented culture, it actually is surprising to see selfless acts any more. How have we wandered so far from real, genuine caring for each other?
The Velveteen Rabbit is one of my absolute favorite children’s books. Every time I finish reading it aloud, I can’t help but get teary eyed. The little stuffed rabbit loved the boy so much it didn’t matter that his fur rubbed off and the shine of his eyes dulled. When the boy recovered from his illness, his family threw the dear rabbit in the fire with other items from the boy’s room. As all appeared lost, suddenly the toy rabbit turned into a living rabbit with soft fur and a wiggly nose. His deep love, though it made him ragged, also made him become real.
I believe the Velveteen Rabbit was real long before he became a living rabbit. A person will become real when they allow themselves to be vulnerable. Authenticity forces us to let down our façade and stop worrying about our rights. “We” becomes more important than “me”. We spend time connecting with others and developing relationships instead of focusing on our smartphones. Success is not measured by power, prestige or possessions but by the depth of our commitment and faithfulness to others.
Jesus is the greatest example of what it means to be real. He valued people over everything else and those he touched knew it. He had no power, prestige or possessions that would give Him worldly success. The devil tempted Him with these earthly valuables in the wilderness but He turned them away. Jesus’ eyes saw true value in people, not things. He had compassion for the widows. He loved on babies and touched people that everyone else shunned. These were His treasures.
After Jesus’ death, Mary Magdalene and some other women came to the tomb the day after Passover to anoint His body. They found the stone rolled away and an empty tomb. Jesus appeared to Mary by the tomb but through her tears, she didn’t recognize Him. Only when He said her name, did she realize who stood in front of her. I can only imagine the loving way Jesus spoke to her. The gentleness of His voice was music to her ears. Her Lord and Master had returned!
We become real by imitating Christ. When we value people as He valued them, little by little, we come to resemble Him. It can be a long process and sometimes painful.
The skin horse explains how it happens to the Velveteen Rabbit.
“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?”
“Sometimes.” For he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.” “Does it happen all at once, like being wound up, or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or who have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams (1880-1944)
The velveteen rabbit and the skin horse are imaginary characters though their message is a timeless truth. Through loving deeply, we become real.
