Dear God…I try to be brave to encourage others but it’s not easy. I try to write words of hope but somedays they just don’t come. Can I give myself permission to feel discouraged…to feel disappointed with the current situation? My sister remains in hospice at home with cancer and there’s nothing I can do to change that. The world is turned upside down with this Covid 19 virus and I work at home doing telehealth feeling inadequate. I know I’m helping my patients get through this pandemic but wish I could do more. How do I live a good story for you during such a time as this?
Lord, this is my lament. I seek to understand why these things are happening yet I hear nothing. I still believe in your sovereignty and love for humanity. However, how do I cope with the tension created by unanswered prayer? Why does suffering have to be a part of life? Someday I hope you’ll show me the whole picture so I can see as you see and come to some real understanding.
During this whole time, I tried to do my best but nothing turned out as I planned. I realize that my plans are not your plans. From here on out, could you show me your playbook so I can collaborate with you? Oh yes, I forgot, you did already. The Bible records your plan play by play. Either I don’t understand it or don’t want to accept it. Your words don’t candy coat the human condition. We are depraved yet loved. Sinful yet forgiven. Lost yet found. The Bible is ultimately a rescue story that’s not fully complete.
You sent your son, Jesus who died to save us but for now we still live in the muck. In this world, our reality consists of viruses that kill, cancers that maim and violence that runs wild. Sometimes it feels that a horror movie we can’t escape. Though within the struggle I still see beauty and signs of hope when I’m willing to acknowledge them.
As I write you this letter, I notice the tomato starts I just planted reaching up toward the sunlight. Soon they’ll be ready to set out in the garden. They represent the promise of new life breaking through this present darkness. Every seed I plant whether it be a kind word or deed, you take and grow it. These acts done in your name are like mustard seeds. When they take root, they become giant trees where many find refuge.
Perhaps to live a good story after all means simply doing the next right thing in whatever circumstance I find myself. You show me what you want me to do everyday if I pay attention. Oftentimes your ‘holy assignments’ appear insignificant at first. It’s only later I see glimpses of their far reaching results.
This week my ‘next right thing’ was cooking and delivering an Easter meal to my parents and sister’s family. It felt good to keep this tradition even though we didn’t eat it together due to social distancing. Thank you for providing a feast of joy within this time of suffering. It’s a little thing that means so much.
Forgive me Lord for my complaining. Life is hard for everyone right now. If I’m honest, I don’t feel brave much of the time. Give me the courage to do the next right thing so I may live a good story for you even during such a time as this.
Love always,
Suzanne
Your bravery will allow others to walk in courage. Live good stories, be a good story.
Bianca Olthoff
