We arrived home late last night after spending three days in Michigan at the Maranatha Christian Writer’s Conference. This was my second year to attend and I felt better prepared as I walked into the lodge to check in on Thursday. I copied samples of my writing: devotions, short stories, blog posts and even a book proposal to show to editors and literary agents. But as I attended workshops presented by our faculty, I realized just how much I needed to learn. By Friday evening, I felt overwhelmed and a bit embarrassed. The “Not Good Enough” dragon hovered over me, ready to devour all of my self-confidence.
Are you familiar with this beast? We all experience the hot breath of this dragon on the back on our neck whenever we step forth on any new endeavor. Our beginnings start with excitement but with the first bend in the journey, we question our “why”. Why am I here? Why did I think I had it in me to do this? The incessant fear of not being good enough, conquers us before we are even a mile down the road.
I remember feeling this way after the first tough chemistry test my freshman year in college. The “Not Good Enough” dragon sneered, “Well, if you can’t even pass this test, why did you ever think you could go to medical school?” Fortunately, people surrounding me were my encouragement to persevere. Instead of giving up, I sought tutors to help me navigate through the “flunk out” classes. It benefited me to visualize the whole in small pieces or steps so I didn’t become overwhelmed. Course by course, rotation by rotation, proceeded to take me to my goal.
I thought the old dragon was behind me when I graduated from Medical School but not so. Writing is an art, not a science. This is unfamiliar territory for me. Structure and word crafting can be taught but the skill of putting words together into a compelling story develops over time. With this challenge before me, the dragon sneers his lies anew, trying to convince me again that I’m not good enough.
However, just as my writing is an ongoing, developing work, so am I. God loves me right where I am but He doesn’t leave me this way. He perfects me little by little to look like Jesus. There’s only a glimpse of a resemblance now but I’m a work in progress. God is creating a masterpiece in you and in me if only we allow it. His hand is in my writing, improving it with every piece I complete. My assignment is to keep learning and keep writing. I must ask questions and seek answers from people experienced in the publishing field. The mentors I met at Maranatha are my sounding board. I cherish their words of wisdom as the gift they were meant to be. Their example gives me the courage to persist.
Remember, “If God is for us, who can be against us?”1 The dragon of “Not Good Enough” has already been defeated.
1 Romans 8:31
