When people harm us, our natural human inclination is to retaliate or seek revenge. In contrast, the decision to forgive often comes with great effort or personal cost to the injured person. Ultimately, forgiveness is a sacrificial act of the will. It’s not a feeling but a committed choice. Forgiveness becomes possible when we decide the restoration of a relationship is more important than retribution. If we’re willing to lay down the pain of the past, then the process of redemption can begin.
But this doesn’t happen in a single moment. In my experience, forgiveness evolves gradually over a period of time. It starts with the decision to forgive yet may takes years to fully achieve. By recognizing this fact, I allow myself a little grace. I know there will be days when the old feelings I thought were gone suddenly rush upon me. In these moments, I’m discouraged and tempted to give up. But the still small voice of God speaks to my wounded heart saying, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
Without the Spirit of God working within me, all my efforts to pardon my offender are futile. My own humanity blocks my best intentions. Pride and the need to be right are the walls I build around myself. There’s a condemning voice in my head that argues, ‘Why bother trying to forgive if they’re not sorry and never ask for forgiveness?’ Besides, they still keep doing things to push my buttons!
But this attitude tends to foster division even more. Walls grow higher as rocks build on rocks of accumulated resentment. What can I do to stop this ugly cycle of hurt? Waiting for the other person to change isn’t realistic. Truthfully, the only person I can change is myself (and that’s not easy). To achieve forgiveness and restoration, I must be the first to lay down my stones by letting go of my pride. Only then do the walls that separate us have a chance to crumble and fall.
Granted, I understand there are instances when offenses are so extreme that it’s not safe to continue in relationship with that person. Nevertheless, forgiveness is possible even if restoration isn’t. Our pardon doesn’t absolve the offender from the consequences of their actions. Forgiveness is a sacrificial act of the will freeing the victim from a lifetime of bitterness which threatens to destroy them from the inside out.
So, today you and I have a decision to make? If we’re honest, we all have relationships damaged by wounds from the past. We have two choices: forgiveness or bitterness. Do we cling to our rocks of resentment or do we throw off these burdens for good? Don’t wait too long to make your decision. Time moves on rapidly and soon your opportunity for restoration will pass. Don’t wait until it’s too late to forgive.
We begin to forgive by choosing to forgive…by deciding, not by feeling. Our feelings don’t lead us to forgive. Most times, our feelings lead us the other way. That’s why a person has to decide to forgive first. Our feelings always follow along behind our decisions.
Andy Andrews-author, speaker
